Lady Lays

A study in Chiaroscuro, painted from life.

The Empty Glass

Sitting, staring at an empty glass
Wondering if the time will ever pass
When this great thirst which grips my soul
Despite me takes control

Sitting staring at the empty glass
I see the want, I'm waxing gaunt
The vision that it fills so taunts me
Now my mind has strayed

And if I come to watch behind me
Lucid as a dream outside me
The body that I see before me
Empty as the glass

I realize the vision asks me
Who I am and what I thirst for
I decide that I won't pour
My spirit in the glass.

Breaking with the past

Open house today. The home of ghosts seems tranquil but the murmurs inside are restless and afraid. The old barn is open, baring itself in sadness; even the grass seems to know it will soon be goodbye.

But this house has seen death, whose specter remains; and this house has seen anger and all that is pain. We will part as friends though I'll never return. And I'll wish it's new steward all brightness and home.

The Sign

If there ever were a sign, I might find it in the aging paint, the green and the blue scaling and the bleached and broken wood of a barque that carried my father into the sea. And she who brought me onto this earth, nourished my body and nourished my soul, filled an ocean of tears larger than that. This carcass I see before me carries memories of the man that I never knew. I carry the memories of the woman he loved, only memories alas. The sign is that we should be together and the sign is that they should be together - the memories of the carcass and the memories of mine. I can touch it and see the ocean fighting to keep its bounty, and I can see the strength of man persisting with only the love of God to hold them afloat.

If I were a fisherman, I could never compare with him. However, in the person that I am I carry his shadow and I carry hers, in me they live and love.

So with one final touch, I say goodbye to the past and I give this carcass, with all its beauty, back to the nature that so lovingly created it, opening the door to my new tomorrow!

Jaime, December 3, 1993

OLD ENGLISH

The soft, rosy smell of tobacco lured me across the lawn to the fortress' edge. The waves crashed rhythmically against an old stone wall which their furor and patience would eventually claim. The cry of a sea gull carried an ambiguous mood; a shimmer of yellow light peeked shyly through the clouds.

As I came across to the embankment the old man greeted me with a cheerful laugh, waving his hand for me to join him in the coming feast. He had caught a heavy salmon on a fishing line and was starting a fire to cook his prey.

He offered me a seat across from him and as I sat on the bare, flat rock he said "Ye shall return to the old spawning ground one day, young man, and endeavor to find your mate, and all the strength and youth you have you shall use on that very date. Today is the day I lost my wife, and my old tattered bones won't carry us back to our homeland for a decent burial. So I gave her body to the sea. And in exchange I took this strong young salmon whose flesh will invigorate me -and you, if you will join me in celebration!"

La Perle

Est-ce la perle qui t'écoute et te parle

Se tenant tranquille attachée à ton coté?

L'entends tu te dire, dans le silence rêveur

Que tu te sens  joyeuse pour l'éternité?

Est-ce la perle qui voit, sans souci ni remord

Et qui te donne espoir devant l'immensité?

La perle est une larme de joie, pétrifiée

Ton compagnon fidèle, ton émotif regard

Ton éternel sourire forment un récit

Le récit d'une vie pleine de bonheur

Et dont les malheurs t'ont seulement donné

Plus d'envi pour la vie

Crue Fest

Here is Nikki with White. A picture I took at Darien Lake during the Crue Fest concert. I loved the whole show. Motley Crue was of course excellent but all the other bands were great too. I wish this were my life...

Six Seconds

One… Two

Can I see the light if I’m not with you
Can I feel the river as it runs through me
Can I hold the fire as it burns inside
Can I tell the truth when I don’t know

Where’s the feeling that my heart is there
It goes, it goes

And the feeling that I’ll always stay
It goes

And I don’t know why but I believe in You
I don’t know how but I will walk by You

Three… Four…

Shall I hold the line while we wait for You / Hold the line
Do I make believe that my time’s not through / Make believe
Do I keep the blood as it spills from me / Keep the blood
I don’t think I can but I still believe / Think you do

There’s a feeling that I’m home again
It grows; it grows

I don’t know if I can take this pain
It grows; it grows

And I don’t know why but I believe in You
And I don’t know how but I know that I will walk with You

Five… Six…

I’m out

PETRA

A warm yellow sun softened the green paint on the bench as Petra kneaded the surface, restlessly damaging the fluorescent nail color at the tips of her nails. Her bright red mini and tank top contrasted strikingly with the color of the bench. Her white athletic legs, unaccustomed to the rays of the sun, had started to redden where exposed. A smear of blood red lipstick ran down her chin. She bit her lip with shiny pearl white teeth.

From reddened green eyes that seemed to float in a swelling spring, a tear fell to her breast, and a breeze cooled down it's trail upon her chest.

As the church bell tolled nine she stood barefoot on the brick road and left her shoes on the bench where she had put them. She turned for one last look at the town she'd come to love, the house of the McLeods where she had stayed, the room where slept the man for whom she cared and whose child she would bear in months to come.

Then with new found determinism she turned away and headed quickly for the hills. On the fields behind them there would be adequate cover and safety.

She ran fast up the hill; the sun and motion heated her body. Sweat drenched her clothing and gave a salty taste to her lip.

As she arrived at the chosen location behind the first hill she gathered her shoulder length platinum hair, tied it into a knot and fastened it with a pin given her by Mrs. McLeod.

She had learned to appreciate this token of caring, this giving of something to symbolize affection that was native to this culture. It was an additive to the spoken form of communication that they used; very pleasant.

She wiped the sweat beads off her forehead with her fingers as the graviton envelope generator's deep purr permeated the area and the mirror surfaced ranger shuttle floated down to an arm's length off the ground.

An opening melted off the surface and two hover steps floated down for her to climb. Duke Nedba jerked in front of the opening in his usual jolly mood.

"Good morning Baroness Knevrin; or should I say Petra?"

She smiled wryly and responded, "Hi!"

The Duke paused and then continued, as Petra wasn't coming up the steps, "Mission accomplished, I hope, Baroness?"

"Yes, Nemi, I am two earth days pregnant with the child of a perfect specimen.

"Mission accomplished!" and she hurried up the stairs.

The concept of "Anti-Gravity" is a misnomer

Preferably, it should be referred to as a "manipulation of space". Space is the antimatter, whereas the equilibrium between matter and antimatter is a bipolar concept unobtainable because both points tend away from each other. The first pole is the infinitely dense point of matter: matter with no space within it. Let's call it "Bi-pole 1". This concept invites the question: is there infinite space outside of Bi-pole 1?

The second pole is where density is infinitely close to zero, or if there is no mass at all, then zero. One might argue that if all the matter in the universe were contained in one small “black hole” then the density of the rest of the universe, assuming that there is space is close to zero, thus creating a type of equilibrium. But that is not so. The space around that infinitely dense black hole would be very upset, indeed quite warped, and not at all at equilibrium. (note: equilibrium here is defined as a steady state, that is a state in which there is no change through time).

To further define this bipolarity we must introduce another component to the puzzle: Time. We define time as any change with or among particles in space as they relate to each other. As a kind of mathematical joke:

t=Δ

So let's use Δ instead of t for our purposes. Inside Bi-pole 1 there is no space for a change in the relationship between particles (unless there are changes in relationships which require no change in space or motion). Outside of Bi-pole 1 there are no particles to change with respect to each other, therefore:

Δ=0

The second part of the Bi-pole, let's call it "Bi-pole 0", has a point of equilibrium where there is an infinity of space between any two particles. This infinity itself would only be infinity. so again:

Δ=0

Where M = mass, s = space and Δ = t = change, the unifying concept is that space tends to fill mass and that mass tends to exist as self, both tending toward an equilibrium where Δ=0.

If these ideas hold true, what is a practical application for them? If the unifying concept holds true then by the manipulation of particles and their relationship to each other we should be able to manipulate space and since we can predict the direction in which space tends to move we can therefore affect the shape and behavior of space-time through the manipulation of the density and orientation of matter.

Don't die today

Though my heart boils with emotion I have decided to take the path of silence. I may be wrong but there is time to change my mind. Too much needs to change. Too much pending. I cried today when I saw this clip again:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OO0HCh5ssP0